At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pants are for mortals
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
