Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
