my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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