you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
