dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
