Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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