I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we're so committed to being not committed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
