Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
