would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize