We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize