I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
