I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
