hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
