we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
