I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
