another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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