Banned from zoo.
Again?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
