I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
