when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
