ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
