Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
