Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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