I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
