It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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