it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
