Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize