glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
