Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
