So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
