Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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