I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You made out with two different species that night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
