Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
