Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
