in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
