I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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