There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
