I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
