rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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