I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
