I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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