I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There r osticjed everywhere
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
