So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize