She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
