I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
