I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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