totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
