OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
