My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
