so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
