I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
