You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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