I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
