would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His hands were made for my vagina.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
