I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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