how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
