he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize