I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
