Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
