matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
