I love black thongs
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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