I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
