I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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