we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
