i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
