I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
