I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
