did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
