Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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