i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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