2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
