Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
