Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
