I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
