here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
