this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
