i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
