u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
