So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
