u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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