Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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