so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
