can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
