that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
