its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
