I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
