haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
