apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
