I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize