She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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