note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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