I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize