i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
