My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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