she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
