how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
