It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
