I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
