im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Randomize
